When someone dies, the impact can reach far beyond their immediate family. And when that person has a connection to the Armed Forces, the experience of grief can sometimes come with additional challenges that others may not fully understand.
At Scotty’s, we call this military-connected bereavement. It recognises that the death of someone connected to the military can affect people in many different ways, regardless of their age, their relationship to the person who died, or whether that person was serving at the time of their death.
But, whilst it’s a term you’ll hear us use often, what does ‘military-connected bereavement’ really mean? Who can be affected? And where can people turn for support?
What is military-connected bereavement?
Military bereavement is the experience of grief following the death of someone who has a connection to the Armed Forces community.
(Note: This doesn’t mean the person who died needs to have served.)
That connection might be through military service, a veteran's life after leaving the Forces, or the family and relationships surrounding military life. It can include the death of someone who was serving, someone who had previously served, or a loved one whose life was closely connected to the military community.
It could also refer to a person who is serving, or has previously served, and is experiencing a bereavement of their own (even if the person who died didn’t serve).
In short, if you have a connection to the military community and have experienced bereavement, Scotty’s can support you.
Of course, whilst we try to define military-connected bereavement in a way that is simple and easy to understand, the concept itself couldn’t be less simple. There isn't one single way to experience military bereavement. Every relationship is different, and everyone's grief is personal.
For some people, the loss may bring additional challenges connected to military life. These might include navigating unfamiliar military processes, coping with a death that happened suddenly or in traumatic circumstances, or feeling that other people don't fully understand the experiences surrounding their loss.
For others, the challenges might be less specific to the military and more about adjusting to life without someone they love.
Whatever the circumstances, military bereavement is about the people left behind, as well as the person who has died.
Who can be affected by military bereavement?
One of the most important things to understand about military bereavement is that its impact isn't limited to one particular group.
A death can affect an entire network of relationships, each with its own history, memories and challenges. This includes people of all ages and backgrounds across the Armed Forces community.
Military bereavement can affect:
- Children and young people who have lost a parent, sibling, grandparent or another important person in their lives.
- Parents and carers grieving the death of a child, or supporting a bereaved child or young person.
- Spouses and partners learning to navigate life after the death of someone they shared their life with.
- Adult children who have lost a parent.
- Siblings and extended family members coping with the loss of a loved one who served, or was part of a military family.
- Serving personnel and veterans who have lost a friend, colleague, partner or family member.
- Other members of the military community who are grieving someone important to them.
These are just some examples. There is no single relationship, age group or family structure that defines who can experience military bereavement. You don't have to be a person’s spouse, parent or child for their death to have a profound impact on your life.
What makes military bereavement different?
Grief is deeply personal, and military bereavement isn't necessarily different from other forms of bereavement in every respect. People may experience many of the same emotions, questions and challenges after losing someone they love.
However, military life can impose unique circumstances that shape the experience of loss.
For example, some people may be grieving a death that occurred while their loved one was serving. Others may have lost someone who left the Armed Forces years earlier. Some may be serving themselves when their bereavement occurs. The circumstances of a death, the person's military experiences and the relationships they built during their service can all influence how those left behind make sense of their loss.
Military communities can also have their own traditions, shared experiences and ways of remembering those who have died. For some people, these connections offer comfort and a sense of belonging. For others, it can be difficult when the people around them don't understand the military context of their grief.
There may also be practical changes to navigate, alongside the emotional impact of the bereavement.
None of these experiences apply to everyone, and military bereavement doesn't look the same for every family or individual. But recognising the wider context can help us understand why support that acknowledges the military connection may be important.
Where can you find military bereavement support?
There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and there is no set timeline for adjusting to life after a death.
Some people find comfort in talking to others who have experienced a similar loss. Others may prefer practical guidance, opportunities to remember their loved one, or support that helps them navigate a particular stage of their bereavement journey.
What matters is finding support that recognises you as an individual, understands your circumstances and meets you where you are.
Military bereavement support might include opportunities to connect with others who understand military life, help with the challenges that can follow a death, or guidance for those supporting someone who is bereaved.
You might also need different kinds of support at different times. What feels helpful in the early days of grief may not be what you need months or even years later.
If you're supporting someone who is bereaved, remember that you don't need to have all the answers. Listening, acknowledging their loss and allowing them to talk about the person who has died can make a difference. Avoiding assumptions about how they should feel or how long their grief should last is equally important.
And if you're the person who is grieving, you don't have to wait until things feel overwhelming to reach out for support.
Who does Scotty's support?
For 16 years, Scotty's was known as Scotty's Little Soldiers, supporting bereaved military children and young people. That work remains an important part of our history and our identity.
But we know that the impact of military bereavement extends far beyond childhood.
A death can affect partners, parents, siblings, friends, colleagues and other people across the Armed Forces community. Their grief matters too, and they deserve to be recognised and supported.
That's why Scotty's has expanded its services to support anyone experiencing a military-connected bereavement, regardless of their age or relationship to the person who died.
Our aim is to make sure that more people affected by military bereavement can access support that recognises their experiences and helps them navigate life after loss.
Whether you're a bereaved child or young person, an adult who has lost a partner, a parent grieving a child, a veteran who has lost a friend, or have been affected in any other way, we want to help people understand that they don't have to navigate military bereavement alone.
Our services are evolving to reflect the breadth of the military community and the different ways people experience bereavement. You can explore our support services to find out more about what may be available to you.
Military bereavement: every relationship matters
There is no single definition of what it means to be bereaved by a military-connected death. Everyone’s relationship with the person who died will be different, and every grief journey is unique.
But one thing is clear: the impact of a death can reach far beyond immediate family, and support should recognise that.
At Scotty's, we believe that everyone affected by military bereavement deserves to be seen, heard and supported.
Because military bereavement can affect anyone in the military community, and nobody should have to face it alone.
If you or someone you know has been affected by military bereavement, find out more about our available support and Join the Community for free today.
